Our Last Love Letter to the Assemblies of God

The following is a life update. I share it here because I know how painful it is to wrestle with the question, “Should I stay?” And we know there are others who’ve wrestled with this question as well. If this is you, may these words help you find clarity and remind you that you’re not alone.

Posted on January 27, 2020. “These are the faces of two people who just passed their AG ministerial credentials exams!!!”

After much prayer, tears, and conversations with wise counsel, we have made the difficult decision to give up our ministerial credentials with the Assemblies of God.

We will continue to hold credentials through the end of the year. But at the end of this year, we will not renew them.

My family has been part of the AG for generations—going back to my grandmother in the Philippines. Daniel got saved in high school when a friend invited him to an AG church. We have deep roots in the AG. And there are so many people in the AG who have been dear friends; many who feel like family. To make this decision to leave is one that comes with an immense amount of grief.

When people have asked me why I stay—a question we’ve received many times over—I’d tell them the names of people in the AG: pastors and mentors, people we’ve worked alongside, friends we’ve had coffee and meals with, and students we’ve ministered to over the years. I’d say, “I stay because of the people who came before me, those who walk alongside me, and for those who will come after me.”

Over the years, so many people have told us, “Daniel and Esther, if you can stay in the AG, then I can stay, too.” In Bible college, one of our professors repeatedly told us, “Stay in the AG so you can make it better and bring change from the inside.” We’ve carried these words with us for over 23 years. In our 14 years in Springfield, MO, and even in the short time since we left, we’ve repeated them many times over. But over the past several weeks, we’ve no longer been able to say these words in good conscience.  

We’ve done everything within our power to help make the AG better. In addition to faithful service in AG churches and ministries, this includes me writing a letter to the Executive Leadership Team concerning an issue in 2020 and being part of the XA Diversity Task Force our last couple years in Springfield—a way to use my voice and gifts to help bring good change at a national and systemic level. We made the most of every opportunity given to us, and we forged paths in places where there was no path.

We were committed to staying for as long as we felt the call to stay and for as long as we felt able. 

As we were in the midst of discerning whether we should stay or walk away, a mentor told us to consider two things:

1. The mission – Is staying in the AG and carrying the AG name a liability that’s getting in the way of our mission and ability to share the Gospel?

2. Conscience – Do we feel we can no longer stay in good conscience?

Unfortunately, the answer to these two questions is yes. Additionally, though we believe in living a cruciform life—those who know us are aware we have not shied away from suffering—our well-being also matters. Though we can recount countless, beautiful experiences while in the AG, we’ve also experienced and seen things that have been soul-crushing. As we continue to do the work God has called us to do, it’s unsustainable for us to continue to stay in an organization that feels like it’s crushing us. And we believe it’s time for us to prioritize our healing. 

We’re well aware that every church, organization, and denomination has its issues. But there are things in the Assemblies of God that disturb us.

We’re disturbed by:

1. Christian Nationalism and the aligning with Trump and right wing politics, to the point of ignoring and disregarding Scripture when it doesn’t fit with partisan talking points. I lamented to a mentor, “Increasingly, it feels like it’s more important to the AG that we preach about the rapture than to care for the poor and the immigrant.” The AG is really loud about things that the Bible is quiet or unclear about, but really quiet (often silent) about things the Bible is really loud about.

2. Racism – There are many instances in which “they didn’t intend” anything hurtful. But I’m fully aware that these same people also didn’t intentionally take the time to learn and listen to different perspectives within our movement so they could be aware of the ways they may be causing harm or denigrating people they claim to care for. And there are way too many instances of blatant, explicit racism by AG credential holders that are never addressed despite the AG’s statement in 2020 that we would “oppose racism in all its forms.” This isn’t just an issue I’m passionate about; it’s something that impacts me on a personal level. As a Filipino-American who works in a ministry where the majority of our students are either immigrants, children of immigrants, or international students, I don’t have the option to not care about this. And the AG’s failure in this area has been a source of repeated heartbreak and pain.

3. Missteps in handling various kinds of abuse, ranging from national scandals to the ways abusive practices are allowed to flourish in local contexts. We minister at Princeton University. These students ask a lot of questions, probing and scrutinizing over every detail. And they Google. If they Google the AG, we know what they will find. We also know what they will not find. How beautiful and compelling if, along with the messiness, they also saw a movement that overwhelmingly chose humility and repentance. But Daniel and I, with all our love and hope for the AG, haven’t seen that, so there’s no way we could expect a student who’s skeptical of Christianity or who has been hurt by the Church to see it either. But even without scandals in the headlines, we’ve had too many friends who’ve been victims of abuse within the AG, and we’ve been heartbroken to see the ways they’ve suffered while their abusers have faced no consequences.

We know so many within the movement for whom the concerns above do not apply in any way. But we also know the AG can be better. We firmly believe it, and we wouldn’t have stayed for as long as we have if we didn’t. While we believe we were in the AG “for such a time as this,” that time is coming to a close for us. It is now time for us to heal, focus on the people in the place where our feet are, and make room for other Esthers and Daniels—Old Testament references intended—to rise up within this movement. We wish the best for the future of the Assemblies of God and will continue to pray for her. 

Thank you, Assemblies of God, for instilling in us a deep love for God, Scripture, and the Church. Thank you for praying and crying with us in difficult seasons, for celebrating with us in major moments of our lives, and for giving us beautiful friendships we will carry with us for the rest of our lives. ❤️

I’d like to address some questions you may have:

Are you cutting all ties to the Assemblies of God?

Absolutely not!. Though we will no longer carry ministerial credentials with the AG, we’ll continue to consider the AG family and to pray for the AG. We fully intend to keep the relationships we’ve made! At the same time, we understand our leaving will be reason for some to cut ties with us, but we will not be the ones cutting those ties. Additionally, we will continue our financial support for AG missionaries. To those who feel called to stay, we still believe in the work you do and we are proud to partner with you in that work.

Is anything changing in your work?

Nope! We’ll still be on staff at Manna Christian Fellowship. Because Manna is inter-denominational, our leaving the AG will not negatively impact our work.

Did moving to Princeton cause you to change in your beliefs? 

No. Our hearts and minds are still very AG. 

Are you going to get credentialed with another denomination?

We’re praying and discerning about our next steps. We’re not going to rush into anything so we can give ourselves some time to grieve and heal. But we do have a sense of where we will go. We appreciate your prayers as we navigate this complex transition.

What do I do if I’m struggling to stay?

1. Make sure you have community where you find solidarity and safety to lament, be angry, and struggle. And make sure some of those people can give you hope and encouragement when you need it without spiritual bypassing.

2. Have a list of reasons you stay. My list was names of people. I stayed for so long because of the people on that list who came before me, the ones who’ve walked beside me, and the ones who would be coming up behind me.

3. Keep close to the Lord and don’t lose your uniqueness, particularly your insight that sets you apart. The AG may try to hammer that off of you, but stay in the counsel of God and be your full self that He created you to be.

4. Get a therapist or counselor if you don’t already have one.

5. Stay as long as you feel you can, and allow yourself to feel the grace of God’s release when you can’t anymore. 

Live Out of Love

At the start of every school year, Manna Christian Fellowship at Princeton University does a special Old Timers Large Group for sophomores, juniors, and seniors. What follows is the message I shared at this year’s Old Timers on September 3, 2025.

Prayer at “The Cone” sculpture before Manna’s first event of the school year, an ice cream social to welcome freshmen.

As we begin a new school year, here’s what I want you to get:

You are deeply loved by God.

And because you are deeply loved by God, 

love God with your whole being, and love people without exception.

There’s a term in theology and Biblical studies: “synoptic Gospels.” In Manna, we talk a lot about the Gospel, the good news of the Kingdom of God. That word, gospel, also refers to the first four books in the New Testament: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. All four of them give an account of the life and teachings of Jesus. And the Synoptic Gospels refers to three of those books: Matthew, Mark, and Luke. The reason they’re called the synoptic Gospels is because they’re quite similar and have a lot of overlap. And John, though he talks about the same Jesus and there’s some overlap as well, his book is very different from the other three. Why are there differences in the accounts of the life of Jesus? If you had four different people telling you about the life of [pick random student], you’d hear four different accounts, different details and emphases, different ways of describing the same person. All true, but just from different perspectives. For example, Daniel and I get asked so many times how he proposed. I tell that story very differently from the way Daniel tells it. Which telling is right or more true? They’re both right, and they’re both true. And hearing it from both our perspectives gives you a fuller picture.

So here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to explore a story that’s found in all three of the Synoptic Gospels. And then, we’ll see what John, the author of the last Gospel, has to say about the matter. And as we explore, I want you to consider two questions:

  1. Do I live like love is as important as Jesus said it was? 
  2. What gets in my way of loving God and loving people?

The Perspective of Matthew

If you have your Bible, open up to Matthew 22. While you do that, let me give you some context. In the preceding chapter, chapter 21, Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, and there were palm branches, and people were shouting, “Hosanna to the Son of David!” It was basically a royal procession. And after that, Jesus went into the temple, and He started flipping over the tables of the money changers and those selling doves. This was happening in the Court of the Gentiles, the place that was supposed to be where those from every nation could come and worship God, but that place was being overrun by people who were distorting sacrifice and worship into a commercial endeavor, thereby excluding the nations to whom God had called His people to be a blessing. Jesus flipped the tables of injustice, and the religious leaders got mad and began to search for a way to do away with Him. So in chapter 22, we see various groups approaching Jesus, trying to trap Him with different theological tests/questions. In Matthew 22:34, we come to their last test to Jesus.

Matthew 22:34-40 (CSB)

When the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they came together.  And one of them, an expert in the law, asked a question to test him: “Teacher, which command in the law is the greatest?”

He said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.  40 All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.”

After this, Jesus turned around and presented them with a question and they weren’t able to answer Him. Then in Matthew 23:1-4, the story continues. 

Matthew 23:1-4 (CSB)

Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to his disciples: “The scribes and the Pharisees are seated in the chair of Moses. Therefore do whatever they tell you, and observe it. But don’t do what they do, because they don’t practice what they teach. They tie up heavy loads that are hard to carry and put them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves aren’t willing to lift a finger to move them.

Jesus calls us to a love that is embodied and seen through action rather than being enslaved to legalism, perfectionism, purity tests, and the appearance of piety. 

The Perspective of Mark

Let’s look at Mark 12. The context here is the same as the book of Matthew: Jesus flipping over tables of injustice, the religious leaders trying to trap Him. But when we get to Mark 12:28, the tone shifts. 

Mark 12:28-34 (CSB)

One of the scribes approached. When he heard them debating and saw that Jesus answered them well, he asked him, “Which command is the most important of all?”

Jesus answered, “The most important is Listen, Israel! The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is, Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other command greater than these.”

Then the scribe said to him, “You are right, teacher. You have correctly said that he is one, and there is no one else except him. And to love him with all your heart, with all your understanding, and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself, is far more important than all the burnt offerings and sacrifices.”

When Jesus saw that he answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” And no one dared to question him any longer.

What strikes me about Mark’s telling is that the scribe seemed genuinely interested. And Jesus’ positive response to him makes me wonder what happened to this scribe. Did he ever become a follower of Jesus? We don’t know. All we know is that in this moment, as he demonstrated an understanding of the supremacy of love, Jesus said he was “not far from the kingdom of God.” 

As we keep reading a few verses later, starting in verse 38,

Mark 12:38-44 (CSB)

He also said in his teaching, “Beware of the scribes, who want to go around in long robes and who want greetings in the marketplaces, the best seats in the synagogues, and the places of honor at banquets. They devour widows’ houses and say long prayers just for show. These will receive harsher judgment.”

Sitting across from the temple treasury, he watched how the crowd dropped money into the treasury. Many rich people were putting in large sums. Then a poor widow [Remember that Jesus just talked about scribes devouring widows’ houses.] came and dropped in two tiny coins worth very little. Summoning his disciples, he said to them, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. For they all gave out of their surplus, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had — all she had to live on.”

So many people preach this passage to say, you need to be like the poor widow and sacrifice everything you have for God. But read in context, this is not that. Nowhere does Jesus say that what this widow was doing was a good thing. He wasn’t criticizing her, but His words weren’t exactly praise either. It was more like lament. He was saying, “Here is a living example of the way scribes and religious leaders are devouring widow’s houses and causing them to be destitute. Look at the inequity of someone who has very little giving everything, while people who have everything give comparatively very little.” This year, our theme in large group is going to be “Jubilee.” You can read about the idea of Jubilee in Leviticus 25 and Luke 4:16-21. But for now what I want you to know is what was happening in this passage, what the religious leaders and rich people were doing and allowing to happen to widows was not jubilee and was antithetical to the Gospel. 

The scribe understood and could wax eloquently about the command to love God and love people, but there was a disconnect between the knowledge the scribes had and how they lived their lives. The scribes were pious and they prayed long prayers, but they were also greedy and unjust. Love does not tolerate injustice. 

The Perspective of Luke

Luke puts this story earlier in the narrative and in Jesus’ ministry. Jesus wouldn’t flip the tables of injustice until chapter 19. If you glance at the subject titles leading up to this point, you’ll see things related to Jesus’ identity and His mission, as well as His invitation to His followers to be like Him and participate in that mission (“Peter’s Confession of the Messiah,” “His Death and Resurrection Predicted,” “Take Up Your Cross,” “The Power of Jesus over a Demon,” “Sending Out the Seventy-Two…”). With that setup in mind, let’s read Luke 10:25-37.

Luke 10:25-37 (CSB)

Then an expert in the law stood up to test him, saying, “Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” 

“What is written in the law?” he asked him. “How do you read it?”

He answered, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,” and “your neighbor as yourself.”

“You’ve answered correctly,” he told him. “Do this and you will live.”

But wanting to justify himself, he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” 

This expert in the law was basically asking Jesus, “Who do I have to include and who am I allowed to exclude?” And Jesus’ response was scandalous. “You think you’re an expert in the law? Let me tell you a parable about how the kind of people that you look down on understand the law better than you.”

Jesus took up the question and said, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him, beat him up, and fled, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down that road. When he saw him, he passed by on the other side. In the same way, a Levite [another religious leader], when he arrived at the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan on his journey came up to him, and when he saw the man, he had compassion. He went over to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on olive oil and wine. Then he put him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said, ‘Take care of him. When I come back I’ll reimburse you for whatever extra you spend.’

Through the story of the Good Samaritan, we see a love that’s not abstract, but concrete:

What does concrete love look like? Three phrases:

  1. I see you.
  2. I’m here for you.
  3. I’ve got your back. 
  • The Samaritan didn’t just see that the man was there. The religious leaders saw him, too. But they didn’t see him in his full humanity, as someone created in the image of God and loved by God, who was suffering and in need of care. But the Samaritan truly saw him and was compassionate enough to stop.
  • He bandaged his wounds (which means he was willing to look at some ugliness)
  • He gave his resources: oil, wine, money. And where did he get bandages? Did he rip up his own clothes or another one of his valuables to make bandages for this stranger?
  • He gave his time, not just in that moment, but in the days to come.
  • And the Samaritan made sure the man was safe and out of harm’s way.

“Which of these three do you think proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of the robbers?”

“The one who showed mercy to him,” he said.

Then Jesus told him, “Go and do the same.”

Here’s the beautiful thing: Jesus wasn’t like the religious leaders who didn’t practice what they taught. In Jesus’ life—His incarnation, crucifixion, resurrection, through His teachings, and presence, and miracles, and in the ways that He advocated for the marginalized and cared for the broken—He communicated over and over again: “I see you, I’m here for you, and I’ve got your back.” And He is still speaking and living those words for us today. That is love.

The Perspective of John

Throughout the Gospel of John, there’s so much talk of love. John 3:16—“For God so loved the world…”.John 15—”Remain in my love…” Rather than going to the Gospel of John, I’m going to have us go to one of his letters at the end of the Bible. 

1 John 4:7-11, 18-21 (CSB) 

Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love. God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his one and only Son into the world so that we might live through him. Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we also must love one another.  

There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears is not complete in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and yet hates his brother or sister, he is a liar. For the person who does not love his brother or sister whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And we have this command from him: The one who loves God must also love his brother and sister.

You are deeply loved by God. And because you are deeply loved by God, love God with your whole being, and love people without exception.

Now here’s the thing: Love is not some fluffy, light, easy thing. Love is messy. It takes work, laying down our pride, sacrifice, and vulnerability. Love is brave. And Jesus didn’t just tell us to love our friends and the people in our community. He also told us to love our enemies. And He told a story about how the people we look down on or despise may be the ones who need to teach us how to love.

Love is hard. And we mess up. We fail to love God. And we fail to love people well. So what do we do? 

Let’s look at one more passage written by John, except this time in the wonderfully weird book of Revelation. Revelation 2:1-5. This book is a series of visions that John had. And in this passage, he’s told to write letters to various churches. 

Revelation 2:1-5 (CSB)

“Write to the angel of the church in Ephesus: Thus says the one who holds the seven stars in his right hand and who walks among the seven golden lampstands: I know your works, your labor, and your endurance, and that you cannot tolerate evil people. You have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and you have found them to be liars. I know that you have persevered and endured hardships for the sake of my name, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you: You have abandoned the love you had at first.  

In the IVP Bible Background Commentary, Dr Craig Keener wrote, “Sound doctrine and perseverance are inadequate without love.” 

So back to the question: What do we do? What do we do when we’re not loving God or living out of that love?

John goes on:

Revelation 2:5 (CSB)

Remember then how far you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. 

Jesus doesn’t say, “The moment you fail to love well, that’s it. I’m done with you.” No. He says, to repent (to turn back to Him), and to do the works you did at first (to be with Him, not just to ask Him for things, but to be with Him), and keep coming back to Him and to His love. Now just to be clear: in saying “do the works you did at first,” this does not mean you need to do works to earn God’s love. You cannot earn God’s love; God loves you. Period. So why talk about doing works? Because it takes work to cultivate our love for God and for others. And, like we saw in the Gospels, love is not some abstraction. It is concrete, made visible through action. So every day, keep returning to Jesus and keep doing the things that cultivate your love for Him and others

So here’s what I want you to carry with you as you start this new school year and for the rest of your life:

You are deeply loved by God. And because you are deeply loved by God, love God with your whole being, and love people without exception.

Let everything you do and everything you strive to be flow out of that love.